We meet Jack (Depp) in deep trouble yet again as he finds himself on trial in London, England for, well, being himself. He cuts a deal with the authorities who want to find the Fountain of Youth before the Spanish do. After escaping their clutches he crosses paths with ex-flame and fellow pirate Angelica (Cruz). However, Jack’s long-time nemesis Captain Barbossa (Rush) is in the employ of the British and goes after his old foe. If that wasn’t bad enough, Jack is captured by the notorious Blackbeard (McShane) with Angelica as his first mate and a crew of zombies that he controls through voodoo. Soon, all parties involved engage in a series of sword fights, ship battles and, oh yeah, run afoul of mermaids – beautiful sirens from the ocean that transform into vicious creatures.

Thankfully, the two weakest elements from the first three films – Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom – have been removed and replaced by a much stronger actress with Penelope Cruz who proves to be an ideal foil for Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack as Angelica is just as cunning and resourceful a pirate. Veteran character actor Ian McShane looks like he’s having a blast as the film’s heavy, giving the right amount of menace to his take on Blackbeard. The always enjoyable Geoffrey Rush is back as the scheming Barbossa. That leaves Depp who, it seems, has finally graduated from the interesting, quirky roles in unusual films that he made his name on in the late 1980’s and all through the 1990’s, to working on safe, big budget Hollywood films. He’s found his niche character with Jack that he enjoys playing and does it well, earning a hefty paycheck in the process. Depp is good in this film but hardly does anything distinctive from his performances in the other Pirates of the Caribbean films.

Director Rob Marshall does a decent job as he wisely keeps things simple when it comes to the action sequences and pours on the atmosphere for everything else for he understands that films made on this kind of massive scale are all about production design and special effects and this one is absolutely steeped in it. On Stranger Tides is easily the best Pirates of the Caribbean film since the first one – of course, that’s not saying much, but this one manages to recapture at least some of the fun that made the original such a joy to watch and that’s not bad of an accomplishment.

Special Features:

“Bloopers of the Caribbean” is an amusing collection of blown lines as the cast crack each other up.

Forced to watch as his family is executed by Italian fascists (led by a hilarious looking Mussolini wannabe), a young boy is subjected to a top secret project that transforms him into a super strong, super smart soldier for Hitler to exploit. This boy grows up to become the Red Skull (Paulin), a grotesque-looking tyrant. However, a female Italian scientist manages to escape and shares her knowledge with the United States government. They decide to create their own Super Soldier program, headed by Lieutenant Colonel Louis (Nouri). Steve Rogers (Salinger), stricken with polio (we know this because he walks with a pronounced limp), volunteers to become the project’s first guinea pig.

The experiment is a success but the female scientist is killed by a Nazi spy and, in turn, dispatched by a newly transformed Rogers. Dubbed Captain America by his superiors, he’s quickly brought into active duty as Lt. Col. Louis drops him in behind enemy lines where he wages a one man assault on the Red Skull’s top secret Nazi base. In battle, the Red Skull bests Cap and straps our hero to a rocket bound for the White House but ol’ Winghead manages to redirect it to Alaska (?!) where he’s buried in ice and snow for several decades.

In the intervening years, the Red Skull has undergone extensive plastic surgery to make himself like somewhat human (although, his face looks like a jumbled up jigsaw puzzle) and has built up a powerful international cartel comprised of rich and influential businessmen, politicians and high ranking military brass. He’s also kept busy over the years orchestrating the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Meanwhile, some researchers stumble across Cap’s frozen body. He breaks out of his icy prison and resumes his pursuit of the Red Skull.

The first thing that strikes one about Captain America is its modest budget, which limits the film’s scope and gives the various sets a cheap, made-for-T.V. look. It also explains the casting of little known actor Matt Salinger as Cap and then surrounding him with veteran character actors like Ned Beatty and Ronny Cox. The screenplay, by Stephen Tolkin, is pretty awful with the Red Skull spouting cheesy bad guy dialogue (it doesn’t help that actor Scott Paulin adopts an outrageous accent) while an environmental subplot is awkwardly shoehorned into the story. It quickly becomes obvious why this film was relegated to obscurity back in the day and promptly forgotten.

Special Features:

Theatrical trailer.

It must also be said that the transfer of this film is shockingly poor. It looks like a VHS copy of the film was simply burned onto a DVD.

The original two Superman movies, unknown to many, were actually filmed back to back, so assured were Warner Brothers that the first movie would be successful. They were on pretty safe ground mind you, considering they had a cast that included Marlon Brando, Terrence Stamp and Gene Hackman – these guys wouldn’t put their names to just anything.

The first Superman exists on this Blu-Ray set in different formats, with the option of watching a full, extended version or even a version devoid of dialogue and sound effects, so you can really appreciate the music of John Williams – possibly the greatest film music composer of all time. The extended version of the film does make the movie drag on considerably (especially considering the original Superman was a lengthy film anyway) and contains additional scenes from the Superman and Lois flight sequence, more scenes from Krypton before the planet exploded and even a scene where Superman seeks his father’s advice on showing off.

As good as the first Superman movie is, and it is good, it’s the second film where the franchise really gets going. There are few movies where the sequel is arguably better than the original, Godfather II, Empire Strikes Back for example, but Superman II is without question one of them. Superman II is all love story, much like George Lucas’ second Star Wars instalment, set against the backdrop of an impending crisis. The three super-villains, imprisoned in the Phantom Zone, have escaped and are heading to Earth to rule. Terrence Stamp, as General Zod, is in imperial form and seems to be loving every second of it. Gene Hackman returns in even more evil and despicable mode than he was in the first film, attempting to ally himself with the evil trio and the final climactic battle between Superman and the evil super-villains, that takes the whole film to build up to, doesn’t disappoint – even if there is an awful lot of product placement during the battle for brands such as Coca Cola, KFC and Marlborough.

The moment where the evil super-villains are in the Daily Planet office and newspapers heralding Superman’s disappearance are blown away by a returning Superman, asking General Zod if he would ‘care to step outside’ is a classic moment of cinema.

One thing that has always bugged me about the Superman universe, from The Adventures of Lois and Clark, to Smallville, to Superman Returns is the way in which Clark Kent is portrayed. Dean Caine once stated that he hated the way that Christopher Reeve portrayed Clark as a bumbling fool. Therefore, he played Clarke and Superman in exactly the same way. This theme of blandness was carried through by Tom Welling and Brandon Routh, both of whom insisted that Clark Kent was a suave character exactly the same as Superman. It’s for this reason that it’s Christopher Reeve’s performance as Clark, not as Superman, that he should be best remembered for.

Reeve was an excellent Clark Kent, with comic timing and slapstick ability in spades. One of the standout moments for me, besides the opening of Superman III with the battery operated toys, was the subtlety with which Reeve changed his stance in Superman II when he revealed himself to Lois as being Superman. His gawky, slightly hunched stance that was Kent was replaced by the upright, boy-scout styled stance of Superman.

It’s subtleties like these that other actors to the role seem to have completely missed, making Christopher Reeve the definitive Kent and Superman.

While we’re on the subject of the leads, something which grated on me about the first, and to a lesser extent the second, Superman movies is the character of Lois Lane. She is supposed to be this strong willed, forthright woman who knows what she wants and knows how to get it. Yet, for some reason, Margot Kidder plays Lois as a bit of screamer. Even when she’s defying the mugger in the first Superman she kicks out at his gun before turning away and screaming. Her attempts to free herself from the car as it is buried under dirt at the end of the film, and her attempts to escape the helicopter precariously perched atop the Daily Planet building both involve copious amounts of screaming for help.

These are not the actions of a strong willed woman, and certainly differ from the way Kate Bosworth played Lois in Superman Returns.

Superman III and Superman IV The Quest for Piece follow on from the first two (we say that because, like Terminator Salvation, Superman Returns seems to pick up where Superman II left off – ignoring the later films). Superman III, despite a few dodgy moments with some computer graphics (it’s always hard for films of this era to use computers considering how far advanced they have become in the last decade) is a thoroughly enjoyable movie. Richard Prior, one of the biggest comedians at the time and usual film cohort of Gene Wilder, is hilarious and Robert Vaughan seems to relish the role as an evil businessman intent on taking over the world.

The scene where Clark battles Superman in the junkyard is compelling, and has one of those spine tingling moments than run rampant through the first two movies.

Superman IV however is a tragic let down. The film seems to use the same footage over and over again (over Superman flying towards the camera) merely changing the blue screen background, and it’s full of plot holes. We can accept that Superman can breathe in space, fair enough, but Lacy Warfield (Mariel Hemingway)? The shot of Superman holding Lacy while in space is even used as the image for the Blu-Ray menu, which is actually one grumble I have with the set; the menus haven’t really had any love applied to them at all, they’re very basic – which is a shame when you consider what is possible with Blu-Ray menu systems.

Finally we have Superman Returns. This film received a fair bit of criticism when it was released, but unfairly in my opinion. The decision to keep the original intro sequence was inspired, and using footage of Marlon Brando was genius. Brandon Routh was no Reeve, for sure, but Kevin Spacey was a more than capable replacement for Gene Hackman and the effects were first class. The ‘return’ sequence of Superman saving the place from crashing into the baseball stadium, holding it up while stood on the pitcher’s mound, was iconic and, as I’ve mentioned earlier in this review, I thought Kate Bosworth did a much better job as Lois than Margot Kidder.

To be honest, no matter what special features were included, what the menus were like or even what the packaging was like, this set would be worth it solely for Superman II – for my money the best superhero movie to date (though Batman Begins runs it close!).

You can win a copy of the Superman Motion Picture Anthology right here on WhatDVD.Net

It’s fair to say that the dearly departed William Hanna and Joseph Barbera had a knack for creating memorable cartoons characters. The list is as long as your arm – Top Cat, Hong Kong Phooey, Wacky Races, Scooby Doo, hairy testicle-with-a-face Captain Caveman and the wily Yogi Bear. So, as Hollywood is eating itself alive, it comes as no surprise that one or two of them may be in line for a re-boot.

So, following on from the CGI / live action hi-jinks of the likes of Garfield, Yogi Bear is given a 3D spit and polish before being trotted out to a younger audience whose parents may have some fond memories of Hanna Barbera’s classic picker-nick basket-swiping ursoid.

Being a film aimed at the kiddies, the plot is somewhat simple. Ranger Smith (Scrubs’ Tom Cavanagh) is gearing up for Jellystone Park’s 100th birthday celebrations, and crosses paths with Rachel (Anna Faris) who wishes to make a documentary about Yogi and Boo Boo. Meanwhile, Mayor Brown (Andrew Daly) wants to close the park down and sell the land to balance his budget, and in doing so, recruits dunderheaded Ranger Jones (T. J. Miller), with the promise of making him Head Ranger if he assists him. It’s up to the good guys to rescue the park, and set against the Machiavellian backdrop, Yogi busies himself in his quest for food, but inevitably gets in everyone’s bidness.

Dan Akroyd takes on the vocal duties for Yogi, with Justin Timberlake handling sidekick and voice of reason Boo Boo. This initially seems like a piece of stunt casting, but snakehips Timberlake is surprisingly good; in fact, I completely forgot it was him during the course of the film. It’s a slightly different story with Akroyd, however – he does an admirable job, but he sounds like he’s trying too too hard. He was reportedly sent tapes made by understudies of Daws Butler, the original voice behind Yogi, to explain how to mimic his distinctive delivery, put the portly Ghostbuster refused to listen to them and instead delivered his own take. You mess with a classic at your own peril, and this backfires on him – after two minutes, it’s like nails scraping down a blackboard.

The humans in the film do a decent job, despite laying things on a little thick. Cavanagh strikes a fair balance between manly ranger and love-struck mush-head, Faris hits the right note as the weird, unfeasibly attractive scientist, Miller does a good knucklehead and Daly has a ball as the sleazy Mayor.

So, is it any good? I’m afraid that the answer is no. So, I hear you cry, it’s a load of old toot then? Not quite. It’s far worse than that. Yogi Bear is a textbook example of crushing mediocrity. Everything about the script, from the wooden dialogue and the telegraphed slapstick to the obvious foreshadowing and lazy storytelling (Yogi in a reality TV show? Pfft) indicates that no one has even tried to make a good movie here. It’s a pity, because Yogi is a classic character, the actors are up for it, there’s a Wilhelm Scream and the CGI is uniformly excellent – just check out Yogi’s wet fur when he’s waterskiing.

Yogi Bear is a film that will bore adults and kiddywinks alike. Pixar has shown other film studios the success that can be reaped by investing in a great script. However, instead of putting one in the back of the net in the name of retro charm, Yogi Bear toe-bungs against the crossbar Ronny Rosenthal style.

No pressure then.

Despite the constant comparisons from fans and the media to the aforementioned Scottish actor who, out of respect for Matt Smith, we won’t name any further, Smith soon established himself in the role of the Doctor with maturity beyond his years (he supposed to be over 900 years old anyway).

As well as the not to be mentioned Scot leaving, the companions of yesteryear were no more either as this new Doctor also found himself with a new companion, a very attractive, long legged, flame haired Scot (different Scot) played by Karen Gillan. In the first episode, The Eleventh Hour, the Doctor arrives in Amy Pond’s garden and promises to take the young child on a wondrous adventure; he just needs to pop off for a few minutes. Despite waiting for him all night with her suitcase packed, when the Doctor finally returns Amy Pond has grown up by a decade and is somewhat put out that her childhood imaginary friend has returned, as promised, several years later.

This is somewhat of a clunky episode in terms of how it evolves, and how it establishes the Doctor’s new character as someone not to be trifled with – while displaying a montage of former Doctor incarnations. However, Smith does his best here and tries not to get lost in all of the action.

As the series progresses however he more than grows into the role, and even develops his own catchphrases and comedy props. For example, bow ties are most definitely cool as a result of the Doctor.

Stand out episodes of the season include the Weeping Angels two parter (which doesn’t quite live up to the quality of the first time we saw the Angels, but a moment in the second part has to be re-watched when you get to the end of the series – you’ll see what I mean) and the episode Vincent and the Doctor, where the Doctor and Amy meet a troubled, and penniless, Vincent Van Gogh.

As with all of the modern series of Doctor Who there is a theme running through the episodes which offers clues to the season’s climax, and this one is certainly a fitting climax as the future, present and past of the entire universe is at stake – and it could all be the Doctor’s fault. We’re treated to a physical wet dream for many Doctor Who fans as the Doctor’s fiercest enemies ally themselves together to defeat him once and for all, but in doing so aren’t they risking the universe themselves?

This is a great season, and Matt Smith has certainly defied his doubters (myself included) that he can replace David (whoops, nearly mentioned him there)… the previous actor to hold the role of Doctor Who.

Fez’s are also cool.

While chasing after a note intended for a girl at school that he likes, a young boy enters a magic shop and meets a powerful sorcerer named Balthazar Blake (Cage) who tells him that he will grow up to become a powerful wizard. He also witnesses a brief battle between Balthazar and a rival sorcerer, Maxim Horvath (Molina) that traps them both in an urn. Ten years later, Dave (Baruchel) is a brainy but socially awkward college student and he ends up running into his grade school crush, Becky Barnes (Palmer). She’s grown up to be quite the beauty and even DJs at a college radio station. At the same time, Balthazar and Horvath are freed from their prison and seek out Dave who was the last one to see the Grimhold, a magical object that houses all kinds of evil sorcerers. And so the race is on to recover this object and stop Horvath from resurrecting Morgana le Fay (Krige), a very powerful sorceress capable of destroying the world.

Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel play well off each other with the veteran actor playing the straight man mentor to the younger thespian’s wisecracking apprentice. They banter back and forth as Balthazar shows Dave the magical ropes as it were. Cage plays it safe for the most part but does give the occasional eccentric flourish. Baruchel seems to be channeling Woody Allen at times but is surprisingly not all that annoying most of the time as he acts as the audience surrogate.

Like he did with the popular National Treasure films (which also starred Cage), director Jon Turteltaub keeps things moving at a brisk pace, never allowing lulls between action sequences to last for too long which should be ideal for the target audience of hyperactive children. He’s aided by some pretty snazzy CGI that brings the many acts of sorcery vividly to life. Ultimately, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice lacks the emotional depth and intricate plot machinations of the Harry Potter films. It is entertaining enough, I suppose, and a good time waster for the whole family, but it just doesn’t have that special something that makes it a truly memorable film.

Special Features:

“The Making of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” is a standard featurette that takes us through the genesis of the film. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer is a fan of classic magic and wanted to bring it and update it for a contemporary audience. We see lots of behind-the-scenes footage of the cast and crew shooting on the streets of New York City.

Also included are several featurettes covering various aspects of the production, from working in the city, the mixing of science and sorcery, the use of practical effects, the link to Fantasia, an interview with actor Toby Kebbell who plays Las Vegas-type showboating magician, and so on.

There are deleted scenes that document Balthazar attempting to recruit Dave as his apprentice, an classroom science experiment that goes awry for Dave and his awkward social skills when it comes wooing Becky.

Also included is an “Outtakes” reel of the cast members blowing their lines and goofing around.

Finally, there is a theatrical trailer.

The film starts with the siblings acquiring a taste for elaborate cons. Older brother Stephen is the brains of the outfit, and concocts scenarios, scripts and characters for young Bloom to join him in. At this point, I must confess my ignorance as to why they are known as the brothers Bloom, when it seems to be that it’s the first name of one of them. My brain may have stroked off at the point where it was explained. Maybe his name is Bloom Bloom. Who cares?

Anyhoo, we cut from the curiously attired boys (think of an Amish Charlie Chaplin) and flash forward to them as adults. Bloom (Adrien Brody) is still involved in Stephen’s (Mark Ruffalo) scams, but they’re accompanied by Stephen’s Japanese explosives-expert girlfriend Bang Bang (Rinko Kikuchi). It turns out the Bloom has had a gutfull of being a grifter, and wants to leave the life behind. As is the way of things, he’s tempted into one last job – that of scamming rich, eccentric, beautiful shut-in Penelope (Rachel Weisz).

The world that Johnson has created here is just as fantastical as the film noir, hardboiled high school of Brick’s. Penelope lives in a castle. In New Jersey. She pootles around in a banana yellow Lamborghini, but the only way to travel internationally is by tramp steamer. Their jaunt from the US to Greece takes them past snow topped mountains. In the middle of the ocean. However, where the anachronistic dialogue in Brick seems… right, this seems contrived. Annoying, even.

The acting on offer here is fine. Weisz is radiant as Penelope, Ruffalo wears his role like a pair of comfy old slippers, and Brody passes muster even though it’s obvious that he’s really, really acting. Even Rinko Kikuchi is great, despite never saying a word. The main problem with this film is that it doesn’t know when to stop with the con. When you think you’ve got it figured, you realise that you haven’t. Or maybe you have. No, definitely not… hold on. Yes. Ah. Bugger.

There’s nothing wrong with leading the audience up the garden path before taking them by surprise, but it’s another thing to jerk them around, and this is what happens here. Ultimately, it lacks the substance to back up its style, and it’s just plain annoying.

Whimsical films are hard to pull off, but The Brothers Bloom makes a game effort and will no doubt find an audience. Unfortunately, it’s less Amelie, more The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.

However, Bruckheimer made two risky choices that, ultimately, did not pay off. Firstly, in the lead role he cast Jake Gyllenhaal, an actor who has yet to open a studio blockbuster on his own (he co-starred with Dennis Quaid in The Day After Tomorrow). Secondly, Bruckheimer hired journeyman director Mike Newell to helm the film. While he did direct one of the Harry Potter films, he is known more for character-driven films like Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) and Donnie Brasco (1997) and not for action/adventure fare. Still, the first Pirates of the Caribbean film had the same kind of obstacles facing it and look what happened. Of course, Gyllenhaal is no Johnny Depp and what he did in that film is a crucial and important distinction.

Impressed by the athletic prowess and tenacity of an orphaned street urchin named Dastan, King Sharaman (Pickup) adopts the boy and he becomes a most unlikely prince of Persia. He (Gyllenhaal) grows up with the King’s sons, Garsiv (Kebbell) and Tus (Coyle), while their uncle (Kingsley) has his own agenda. It seems that their kingdom is at war and spies claim that the city of Alamut is arming their enemies. One night, the stealthy Dastan leads a sneak attack on Alamut. They take the city and Dastan recovers a snazzy ornate dagger while the beautiful Princess Tamina (Arterton) agrees to be Tus’ wife so that her people will be spared.

However, this conquest does not sit well with the King as Alamut is a holy city and no proof actually exists of their supplying weapons to others. Dastan is set-up and framed for the death of the King and is forced to make a hasty getaway with Tamina. He finds out that the dagger is actually a mystical device that enables the bearer to go back in time. Dastan must clear his name and get revenge for his father. Along the way, he runs afoul of an opportunistic sheikh (Molina) and evades an enigmatic band of assassins.

Dastan and Tamina have one of those love-hate relationships as they banter and bicker back and forth like something out of a television sitcom. Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton are certainly appealing leads, but there isn’t much to their characters and so we never become emotionally invested in their relationship or in Dastan’s plight. Gyllenhaal does what he can with what little he has to work with but he lacks the ability to make something memorable out of virtually nothing, like Johnny Depp did in Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) and Robert Downey Jr. did in Iron Man (2008).

Prince of Persia’s story is a thinly-disguised commentary on the war in Iraq complete with the search for weapons of mass destruction that never existed in the first place. There are plenty of action sequences that keep the film moving but they all feel like we’ve seen them before and done better. The film looks great, with fantastic cinematography and detailed production design, but it is ultimately a slight bit of entertainment – the cinematic equivalent of cotton candy.

Special Features:

“An Unseen World: Making Prince of Persia” takes us through this big scale Bruckheimer production. He worked closely with the game’s creator to bring it to the big screen. For some of the film, the production shot on location in Morocco and actually created portions of Alamut in incredible detail. We see footage of the cast and crew working hard and dealing with the unbelievable heat. Thankfully, all the interiors were shot on climate-controlled soundstages in England where the filmmakers had more control over their surroundings. This featurette doesn’t run too long but does give one a decent overview of the challenges the filmmakers faced bringing this video game to the big screen.

Ghostbusters (1986) is one such film. I bought that on DVD before I had a DVD player when I imported it from the USA. It was my first Blu-Ray purchase and even bought a Laserdisc player all those years ago just because of it.

Flash Gordon (1980) is another of those films. I already own two different DVD versions and the Laserdisc version. Its release on Blu-Ray was circled in my diary (or at least it would have been had I owned a diary, but you get the idea). Flash Gordon and I go way back, back to a time when I still believed in Father Christmas. I first saw Flash Gordon one Christmas Eve on my black and white portable (if only I knew the spectacle of colour that I was missing) while I was looking out of my bedroom window to see if Father Christmas was coming. This must have been around 1985, and to this day Flash Gordon brings back memories of my childhood and makes me feel like no other film does.

I have even met both of the film’s leads, Sam J. Jones and Melody Anderson. They’re both very nice people, and were more than happy to talk for far longer than any normal person would have been comfortable with. Meeting them in person only helped my opinion of the film, and allowed me to slip further under its spell.

So what is it about Flash Gordon that makes it such a classic of modern cinema, when many critics would (and have) simply dismiss it as hokum?

Firstly, the film is unashamedly camp. Ranging from the garish colours that dominate the picture, to Flash Gordon’s tiny leather trunks that he wears when he’s being executed (naturally, when going to your death a little pear of black leather trunks would be more than adequate, no?). Then of course there’s the music. How could we possibly review this film without mentioning the soundtrack? When you want portray an image of camp in your film, there’s really only one band to pull that off – Queen, fronted by the most outlandishly camp lead singer in history. Queen’s soundtrack is quite simply breathtaking, both as a soundtrack as an album in its own right. It’s also something I own, but that didn’t stop me getting the Flash Gordon Special Tin Edition on Blu-Ray, that comes with the Queen Soundtrack again.

Had to be done.

Once we’ve gotten over the camp nature of Flash Gordon – and I’m not quite sure we have yet – you have to move onto the scenery chewing nature of its cast. Topol, perhaps best known for his role in Fiddler on the Roof (1971), gets the ham going early in the film by pointing dramatically and declaring in his best Shakespearian voice ‘It’s an Attack!’ – but of course that’s not the hammiest line in the film – it’s not even close.

Helping Topol devour the garishly fabulous sets are such acting luminaries as Max von Sydow as Ming the Merciless. Max was born to play Ming as even looks like the character before the costume and make-up have been applied. His finest point in the film is probably during the wedding scene with Dale Arden (Melody Anderson), when he’s asked if he’ll take Dale to be his mistress of the hour, before replying ‘of the hour, yes’.

Hilarious.

We should also mention, as it sometimes gets lost amid all of the colour, music and ham, that former James Bond actor Timothy Dalton is also present, playing Prince Barin. Another Shakespearean actor, Dalton delivers his aggressive lines with real vigour, referring to Princess Aurora (Ornella Muti) as a ‘lying bitch’ and ordering the operatives in Ming’s palace to ‘Freeze yer bloody bastards!’.

Brilliant.

Now don’t panic, every fan of Flash Gordon knows there’s only one winner in terms of most over the top performance in this film. That prize goes to Brian Blessed in the role of Vultan. Blessed delivers his lines with the subtlety of a train crashing through the window of Mothercare, screaming classic lines of dialogue such as ‘Gordon’s Alive???’, and of course ‘DIIIIIVE!!!’.

The film is unashamed escapism, and allows you to remember what it was like when you were a child and the plot of a film was secondary to how many space battles it had, how many aliens were in it and how many times the bad guys thought they’d killed the hero.

Flash Gordon is a triumph of cinema, and one that could never be repeated or bettered – so don’t even try Hollywood, you have been warned.

Sadly the film hasn’t received 100% from me (as it would normally have done) due to the special features. All that exists on the Blu-Ray is an old interview with Director Mike Hodges, and a commentary from him. This film could have had so much more, such as old poster art, interviews with the cast, deleted scenes (oh how I’d have loved that) and maybe even an old episode of the original series of Flash Gordon?

There’s a lot they could have done, but didn’t. Despite that, this is Flash Gordon on Blu-Ray – get it now.

Largo is an improbably named Belgian comic book hero, and is a cross between James Bond, Bruce Wayne and Bill Gates. Adopted from a Bosnian orphanage as a baby by rich-as-Croesus Nerio Winch (Miki Manojlovic), the founder and majority shareholder of the hulking W Group, little Largo is kept under wraps and left in the care of a friend of the family. Thirty years later, Nerio is offed whilst kickin’ back on his luxury yacht in Hong Kong’s Victoria Harbour, leaving his secret heir to be revealed to the rest of the W Group’s board. The now greasily handsome Largo (Tomer Sisley), who’s been travelling the world in denial of the role his adoptive father had planned for him, steps forward to claim his 20 billion smackeroo inheritance.

Ah, but only if it were that simple.

As is the way of such matters, things don’t go quite as planned. It seems that there’s a plot involving a Russian gun runner-turned legit businessman Mikhail Korksy (Hellboy’s Karel Roden) to deny Largo his inheritance and launch a hostile takeover of W Group. Or is there? Is the dastardly Russkie being played for a mugski by someone from inside the W Group, possibly Kristen Scott Thomas, as she’s the only actor in the whole film you’ll recognise?

What follows is best described as aiming for the Bond/Bourne bullseye, but missing its target somewhat. The plot moves at a pace, but falls into the trap of going too fast, and leads to many ‘hold on, what happened there’ moments. One instant, Largo’s a penniless, bearded bum who’s been framed and on his way to an Amazonian jail after some brisk jig-a-jig with the seductive, mercenary Léa (Mélanie Thierry), the next he’s on his father’s yacht in Hong Kong. Then, he’s in a luxury speedboat on his way to a private island before being kidnapped in a Rolls Royce. The location changes are dizzying, and the flashbacks, though not as melon-twisting as Primer, will no doubt bore and confuse those with a short attention span.

The big problem I had with this film was that Largo is a hard character to root for. Not having read the comic books, this was my first exposure to the dude. Sisley has charisma and brings a believable physicality to the role, but for most of the time he comes across as a right old smuggo. With the Bond and Bourne films, there’s an emotional investment involved; Bond saves the world whilst offing a charismatic bad guy, and Bourne is an amnesia-stricken ex CIA black-ops assassin who just wants to be left in peace. Largo is just on the hunt for some shares that will guarantee his vast inheritance – one that he doesn’t want, mind – and save the oily hides of the one-dimensional bunch of characters who are W Group’s board of directors.

If you can get past this, it’s not a bad film. Being WhatDVD’s resident B-movie nimrod, I know a cheap film when I see one, so this was a pleasant surprise in that respect. Denis Rouden’s cinematography is of a high standard, the locations are impressive and there’s a fair bit of vehicle porn. The only area that they’ve seem to scrimp on is Kristen Scott Thomas’ wig, which makes her look like a Midwich Cuckoo.

If you try not to pay too much attention to the wafer thin plot, you’ll enjoy Largo Winch. However, I can’t help feeling that it could have been much more had the script been beefed up as much as the leading man.

Not to worry, Belgium – Spielberg’s take on the be-quiffed, plus-four sporting Tintin is just around the corner.